I’ve been seeing a lot of stuff lately referring to the need to talk to our sons about their behavior toward women. Some people have used the term, “boys will be boys,” to describe these boys’ sexual misconduct toward women. I have a few things to say about that.
Little boys, in general, have always been more energetic and impulsive than little girls. While playing outside, if a little girl sees an unusual bug or creature, she will either run away, or study it from a safe distance. A boy, on the other hand, will poke it with a stick, try to pick it up, or maybe even put it in his mouth! Girls, by nature, tend to be more cautious and calculated when doing things, while boys will do the first thing that comes to mind. This is why little boys tend to have more scrapes and bruises on them than little girls do. This is also where the term, “boys will be boys,” came from.
The concept that it is natural or normal for one human being to force another to do something she does not want to do is unfathomable. To believe that is normal or natural to breech such an intimate trust, to cross such a taboo barrier is ridiculous. Boys do NOT have a natural urge or tendency to force sexual advances onto anyone.
To go along with this concept that boys have a natural tendency to force themselves onto women, there is a growing “movement” saying that revealing clothing is not an invitation for rape. I agree whole heartedly, but sexy clothes are an invitation for attention and sex. Personally, I am in a happy, committed relationship, and when I want romance, I dress for the occasion. The skirt hem comes up, the neckline goes down, and the make-up and jewelry goes on. When women wear clothes that reveal the sexiness of their bodies, they tell the world that they want attention. Specifically, they want male attention. If they do not want sex while they are dressed like that, they must verbally communicate that.
I truly believe that the majority of date rape cases are more a matter of miscommunication than anything else. When a women dresses in sexy clothes, responds to kisses, and indicates that she is interested in a man, he assumes that she is willing to be with him. If she does not clearly communicate to him that she does not want sex, there is no way for him to know. Most guys have a one track mind. Once he gets fixed on a goal, distracting him can be difficult. To make matters harder, I don’t know any man who understands subtle hints. If you don’t smack him over the head with what you’re saying, he will have no clue.
With this in mind, how does a girl who really likes a guy tell him that she doesn’t want to have sex, but she still wants to see him? After they’ve already been on a date, had a few drinks and been kissing for a while, she’s afraid that telling him would ruin her chances. So, she starts dropping hints…hints that he doesn’t pick up on because guys don’t get hints. She tells him to stop, but not forcefully, so he thinks she’s playing. Eventually they have sex, but the girl feels violated because she did not communicate her true feelings. The guy is the one who gets in trouble in the end, though. Doesn’t seem very fair, does it?