Privileged Pets

Being an idealist, I got my degree in the humanities, rather than business or tech. That means that my bank statement is rather depressing. I’m fortunate enough not to have a lot of bills (other than the extraordinary cost of my, at present, useless  degree). I am certainly not a home body, but my ideas of fun and romance have nothing to do with going out and spending money. I find it far more satisfying to grill out with my friends than to go to a bar or club. So with these simple ideals at the forefront of my personal philosophy, how do my pets always end up so spoiled?

Every pet I’ve ever had, regardless of what kind of animal it is, has always ended up spoiled rotten. I try my best to treat them like I would a person. I talk to them, admonish them if they do something wrong, praise them if the do something right, give them attention and so on. No matter what, in the end I have pets who obviously feel entitled.

Right now I have three cats. Link is a Norwegian Forest Cat that we’ve had for about three years. At ten o’clock in the evening, Link expects me to drop whatever I am doing, brush my teeth and lay down with him in the bed. He will get upset and throw a fit if I do not comply and spend that specific time with him.

At 6:30 in the morning, the cats believe it is time for breakfast. Until recently Link would climb onto the shelves above the bed and push stuffed animals down onto our heads to wake us. I have tacked some scarves up to prevent him from getting onto the shelves, though he still tries. I’ve been awakened several times because he lost his balance just over my head while attempting some aerial maneuver to get onto that shelf.

Ganon, our Maine Coon, is more straight forward in his approach to waking us. First he meows. When that doesn’t work, he violently scratches the bed next to my significant other. So after all the time, effort and money we spent to find the bed we wanted, all it took was one butthurt cat to destroy it. Of course Ganon does so much more than just destroy beds. He is under the impression that he is the only cat in the house who is entitled to pets. He will go so far as to chase the other cats off to ensure that he is the only one getting attention. If he doesn’t get his way, he tears things up. Yup, you read that right. He is a CAT who tears things up when he doesn’t get his way. Seems more like a dog, right? We had to take the toilet paper off the roll and put it on a rack sitting on the back of the toilet so Ganon can’t reach it. Otherwise we might find it shredded all over the house. We have to keep bags, both paper and plastic, well out of his reach. Cat proofing against him is worse than childproofing. Every time we think we’re in the clear, he finds something else to tear up.

Last, but certainly not least, is Zelda. This little bundle of joy should be renamed Diva. She is a black, short-haired domestic. This little stinker will prance around the house until you want to get a picture of her. At that point she plops onto the floor and spreads out into the most unlady-like pose you’ve ever seen. She spends much of her time trying to figure out how to knock our televisions over, or at least that’s what it looks like. While we try to watch something, she climbs onto the stand and allorubs the TV until it’s ready to collapse. She seems to want to be a lap kitty, but misses the part where she’s supposed to lay down on the lap. She’d much rather stand up, or better yet, trample all over the lap, especially if there is a laptop or keyboard in that lap to step on. This cat has so many funny quirks, like licking the top of my significant other’s head. It’s like she’s treating him like her kitten. What’s even funnier is that she got got Ganon to lick his head, too.

So here I am, once again, with a house full of spoiled pets. What can I do? Obviously trading them in on newer models won’t work. It’s not the pets, it’s me. Somehow, I keep spoiling them rotten. It looks like I’m stuck with rotten pets. 🙂

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